I have been counting the days impatiently "When is my baby going to come out?". And today morning when I spotted some slight sign of labour, both Ben and I looked at each other blankly. Is it here already? Oh oo.... I have not fully cleared my desk in the office. I just need another day. Ben is thinking the same thing. As much as we were hoping the baby to come, we have not practice facing the full reality. Now I wonder if it is going to hit us hard right on our face.
It is the final lapse now. I feel so much more heavier and clumsier. But my moods are still going ups and downs. The 3rd round sees me going through new surges of hormones. I feel lucky and loved some times, while other times I feel smothered and helpless. As much as I put in a lot of grunts and complaints here, I have to say that I actually had equal times of happiness, contentment and love. You have seen me gone through enough stories about my tiredness and limits. It is only fair to also share with you, what's amazing:
It's alive. The movements within my abdomen never stop to amaze me. It's a comfort to me that my baby is healthy and active. And this little secret of morse code we share is so personal and amusing. It never cease to make me smile, nomatter where I am and what I am doing. The more baby kicks and turns, the more I laugh. I supposed this is really one of the best experience a woman can feel.
I have families and friends that are really supportive and concern over my welfare. I know this is really contradictary. But during the times when I am not so uptight, I can actually see through their love for me. But please forgive me for being human. Too much of something is never a good thing. I will always try to be understanding, but I hope you will do the same too, during those times I woke up from another side of the bed.
I am less self conscious now. I am by nature a very shy person. I am very conscious about myself. I would feel very uncomfortable with strangers and even acquaintance. I don't feel comfortable wearing shorts or spaghetti strings. But now that I am huge, I am able to throw all that into the wind. Not that I am wearing tight spaghetti strings with shorts. I still think that's excessive. But at least I feel less edgy in the public.
It is definitely a lifetime experience that you won't know it until you have tried it. And I get to say I did it.
A great reason to reconstruct my diet and habits. I am carnivorous, but now that I have to think about my baby, I ate more responsibly. In fact, the amount of vege and fruits I took for this 9 months is more than my annual consumption at any point of my past life.
I get to see my family beaming with happiness. They say you glow when you are pregnant. You have not seen my hubby and papa. I have never seen this side of them. Never expected the impact on them to be so significant.
And of course, the most important of all, there is no more feeling guilty for failing to give what hubby wanted - A complete family with his own kid.
Oh, last but not least, you get to eat a lot and whatever you want (as long as they are not in the taboo list) :P
