Intelligence or Decadence, Decency vs Luxury

Chicken a la Carte is a short film awarded "The Most Popular" in 56th Berlin International Film Festival. I thank the creator - Ferdinand Dimadura, for reminding me life beyond our material existence. Sounds religious? Sorry, all I wanted to convey was that there should be higher value to our life than just the clothes we carry, the food we eat, the car we drive, the mobile we use, the house we live and so on. Does any of these add values to our living? Does having a teaspoon of caviar gives me energy to lend a hand to help an old lady carry her bags? Does wearing a haute couture watch gives you more time to offer the last place in the lift so that the pregnant lady can take the ride?

A friend sent me another blog over a young professional's life in a cosmopolitan city. It is of course her right to live the life she wants. And that is $1,000 a coat and $20 a piece of sushi. As much as I respect a person's choices in life, I can't help feeling sorry that a person has to find comfort in things that is beyond her. Sometimes people seemed trying very much to live up to a certain status that doesn't seemed to lead anywhere. If she can only find value in the things that she wear, drives or eat, wonder what life means to her. If education only manage to give her those exterior comfort, wonder what is the meaning of intelligence.

But then again, who am I to question what is and isn't meaningful. I am afterall but a grain of sand in the world of sun, wind and sea. How would I know what balance others are bringing.

To remember me...

The day will come when my body will lie upon a white sheet neatly tucked under four corners of a mattress located in a hospital busily occupied with the living and the dying. At a certain moment a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that, for all intents and purposes, my life has stopped.

When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine. And don't call this my deathbed.

Let it be called the bed of life, and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives.

Give my sight to the man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face or love in the eyes of a woman. Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain. Give my blood to the teenager who has pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play. Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week. Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body and find a way to make a crippled child walk.

Explore every corner of my brain. Take my cells, if necessary, and let them grow so that, someday, a speechless boy would shout at the crack of a bat and a deaf girl will hear the sound of rain against her window.

Burn what is left of me and scatter the ashes to the winds to help the flowers grow.

If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses and all prejudice against my fellow man.

If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you. If you do all I have asked, I will live forever.

~ Robert N. Test ~

Source : Courtesy of Mr Chong G. C.

Click here if you wish to be a donor

A promise - 10 years late

Mr Chong was my lecturer back when I was in college. I couldn't really appreciate his classes, what with the subject of taxation. I never really got to know him then. I can't even remember how I came to make appointment and had dinner with him after I left college. It was then I discovered his passion for wisdom and sharing. His kindness to me was not something you encounter everyday. He gave me many things. CDs of soothing music, books on living, and most precious of all - his own compilation on words of wisdom. His dream was to be able to share those wisdom with as many people as he can. I remembered telling him, I would love to help. I had initially planned to produce it in words file, and send to him. Then I left for study in overseas. When I came back, I had some personal issues to settle. Then a job, then another job, and another and another. Life just kept moving at a momentum that I myself has lost track of the pace. The thought of not keeping this promise struck me once a while, but new things never failed to crop up and occupied my mind. There is always something new, something interesting, something captivating.
Then I had a baby. The day I held her close to my heart, world around me stopped for a while. I retraced my foot steps and learn to stop and smell the roses again. And this is one of the roses, passed on to me by Mr Chong, that I would like to share it with you:

"Every beauty and greatness in this world is created by a single thought or emotion inside a man" ~ K. Gibran

My little green cocoon

I have recently moved to a new place. No big garden or open space, but tiny little balcony for all my plants. Luckily they managed to fit in to the new place, so I still get to enjoy a little bit of green in the busy city.

I manage to grow a tomato plant. The flowers kept sprouting but no fruit in sight. I finally lost patience and took the plant out, as it is attracting pest like aphids and flies.

And this! My dad bought me a pot of rose from Cameron Highlands. I thought I have no luck in flowering plants, but I guess she likes it here. She has never stop flowering and still going strong even when I was away for a few days without watering. But I did my own research too. Give her lots of water. I practically soak her so that she can stay cool. So for those that thought their hands could never grow anything, follow Edison's motto. Never give up!

This is a plant from a fruit I have brought from Penang. The fruit is called "Pao Teh". The fruit itself is very strongly fragrant but mildly taste. I think it is called pao teh as the aroma reminds you of a good tea experience. Not overpowering but lingering aromatic. It was the fruit that prompted me to attempt planting it. They came out beautifully, but very slowly. Hope it will grow to be a fruitful tree.

Ah.. This is another plant my dad bought me when he was in Cameron Highlands. "Ji Tin Jiu" - sky-pointing chili. I have to harvest it every month as the plant kept growing chilis like there is never tomorrow. For any interested amateur planter, chili is the easiest plant to grow. Just spread some chili seeds in a pot and you can see results in a week or two. Make sure you water them daily and voila. No need to get them from the markets anymore.

Japanese potatoes are so beautiful. The fruit is interesting and the leaves are even more so. I bury the potato into the soil and they sprouted in no time. But becareful not to let them run wild. These plants are so fast, I almost have another escape route via potato plants in the balcony.

This is local sweet potato plants. They are really quick to grow. No wonder people in the olden days eat potatoes to replace precious rice. I was hoping to find new potatoes when I dig them up 2 months later. Alas, it was just potatoes (castles) in the air.

Baby 111 : A full moon celebration

According to my mom-in-law, full moon celebration for baby girl must be earlier than the actual date. We had it on 26 October 2008. A significant date for the baby and mommy (coz I get to bathe, yeay...)Chinese starts counting a baby's age not from birth but from conception. Hence, after 1 month from delivery, we celebrate the baby's first birthday - "full moon celebration" and they are considered 1 years old then. That's why, if you were to ask Chinese from the olden days how old are they, they will ask you back - "Chinese or English?". If Chinese I am 21, if English I am 20. And so on this day, my baby is one year old. What do we do?

We celebrate birthday with hard boiled eggs dyed in red. Why egg? Chinese mythical tales has it that the earth and sky came from a man, who was initially shaped in the form of an egg. When he woke up, he separates the shell by pushing upwards and stepping downwards. He could not leave as the sky and earth will re-combine if he leaves, so he stood for centuries until the sky is permanently separated from the earth. By this time, he was also tired and fell dead. His eyes became the sun and the moon. His hair the trees and flowers. His body the mountains and hills. His blood the sea and flowing rivers. Who is he? He is Pan Gu.

And so the eggs signifies birth in its original shape. Why red? Chinese believe red signifies good luck.

As for Malaysia Chinese, we includes nasi kunyit (turmeric glutinous rice) and curry chicken. We also feast on G Geok Chou (pork leg braised in vinegar) and white rice. All these food are supposed to rejuvenate and expel wind in the body.

Many new Chinese mama would proudly declared that they did not follow the tradition/practice for the first month after delivery. Basically new mamas were refrained from bath, washing their hair, eating cold food, drinking cold drinks, eating/drinking while standing up, carry heavy stuff or wash hands with tap water. I know it sounds extreme, but I have seen and heard enough about middle-age women complaining about their health and regrets over their own failure to comply with the tradition. Say whatever you want, I do believe that a woman's health during the 1 month after delivery is very fragile. It is also a window of opportunity for those women who wish to improve their body constitution. It was said that if your general health had been poor, this one month could improve your body constitution (something like a renewed you). Likewise, if you did not take care during this 1 month, the damage done cannot be undone, no matter how much you try to rejuvenate thereafter.

All being said and done, it is also the time for the proud parents and grandparents to show off their beloved baby. I think it is quite the right time, when the mama is more ready to socialise. Relatives and friends will show their support by giving gifts or help take care of the baby/house/new mama. Close family members usually give gold as a form of long term asset for the parents or the baby.

I thank my family, friends and colleagues that so kindly send me help, gifts and well wishes. It's very heart-warming for me and thoughtful of them. I am very lucky to have you!

Baby 110 : The confinement period. The beginning of a new chapter

The actual delivery was a breeze compared to what I had to go through in the entire labour process. Maybe it was blessing in disguise to have a c-section instead of the actual labour, although I would have preferred the natural way. That's done and over with. Many books would have warned you that this is not the end. Believe it!

Being Chinese, we believe that the first month after birth is very important for the mother to recuperate and rejuvenate all her lost nutrients. If you don't do it within that month, the window of opportunity will be closed thereafter and whatever you do onwards could not compensate the loss. In addition, there are many food that the new mom should abstain from taking, in order to ensure harmony of health. Therefore, we either hire a confinement lady to cook nutritious and suitable food for the new mom or we get some elders that knows the methods/experience of pospartum care to help.

I had initially engaged a confinement lady from Rawang (MJ is her initial). She seemed nice and friendly enough. In order to secure her service, I have paid her 10% down payment (can you believe this?) 5 months earlier. Then, a month before my delivery, she told me that her daughter is getting married, so she may have to take 2 days off during my confinement period. We said fine. And then, 1 day before delivery, she requested to come 1 week after my delivery (because of her daughter's wedding again). We tried to be understanding and so suffer we did.

On the first day that we brought ur baby back from hospital. I felt so helpless. I tried breastfeeding the baby, but she was crying her lungs out while I frantically trying to promote the goodness of breast milk. Damn those books and researches that promoted breastfeeding. At night, when the baby cried, we don't know what to do. Ben was so much better than I am in taking care of her. He patiently changed her, fed her and soother her to sleep. I felt so helpless. By end of second day, I have called another confinement lady to help me for a week. At least until MJ is here. How wrong was I!

1 day before hubby travel down to Rawang to fetch her, I called again to ask her if she confirmed that she can come. She said yes, and so Ben went down to Rawang the next day. Can you believe it? She told Ben that she could not come because it is a taboo because of her daughter's marriage. She recomemded her sister. Ben gave me a call straight away. You know how a woman's hormones like after giving birth? I'll tell you. I gave her a good trashing for lying to us again and again. I told her to pay back my husband the deposit and travelling fees.

After that I have to beg the existing confinement lady to continue her term with me until baby is full moon. Lucky me, she fell in love with my girl, so persuasion was easy.

Then, there is the issue of taboo and food during confinement period. Abstaining from poisonous or windy food is nothing compared to not bathing for a month and eating those extremely heaty food. I am drenched with sweat every time I had my meals, yet I am not allowed to bathe. The stickiness was horrible. At the end of the month when I could finally wash my hair and bathe, I can literally feel a load off my entire head and body. It makes me appreciate the fact that Malaysia is such a fluorishing country that allows me clean water to bathe avery single day.

But the most amazing thing about motherhood is that, nomatter how painful is my wound. I could jumped up and pick my daughter whenever she is crying. Pain? I felt nothing. Power of love!

Baby 109 : Happy Birthday!!

It was a long ordeal. For those who do not wish to know the details of child birth, I suggest you surf away from here.

For those of you that might be curious, here's the story.

I started spotting a week earlier. Everyone said it could be anytime now. But it is not a lot or very frequent, so when I called up my gynae, he said it should be alright, especially my baby is still very much active in my womb. And so we waited...

On day 3, I started to get worried because the spotting remained, yet just as irregular. I called up my gynae again and he advised me to visit the hospital for a check to see if the baby and I are ready. When I reached, the nurse took my urine sample, blood pressure and weight. I remember one of the more matured nurse asked me,"Your stomach is so huge. Is it the baby or you have thick skin (means I am fat la...)?". I told her, it must be my fats, since the doctor has told me the baby is growing normally. Ben went to park his car and came back to wait outside the examining room. Then they strapped 2 round pieces like earphones over my huge tummy. And I started hearing this "dup-dap, dup-dap..." beat. The rhythm was quick and strong. The nurse asked me to remained lying on my back for 15-30 minutes. When she came back again, she informed me that's my baby's heartbeat and hearing the strong beat, she sure is healthy and active. That was a relief to me. Then I requested the nurse to inform Ben about the baby's heartbeat. He later told me that he could even hear it from the waiting hall outside. Hihi.. That was cute!

Oh the nasty part would be when the doctor came and test if I am ready to deliver. It was really painful, even after the test is completed. But knowing baby is safe, we went back home happily.

But on day 5, when I woke up early in the morning, I noted that the waterbag must have ruptured. I woke Ben up and asked him if to drive me to hospital.

Once there, I go through the same check up all over again. The only difference is that I am facing a new set of nurses and doctor that run the tests on me. This time, the doctor advise me to be admitted to the hospital. Once the registration is done, the nurse came with a wheelchair to wheel me to my room. I felt so awkward to be on a wheel chair for the first time. When I reached my room, I was given a set of clothes and sarong to wear. Then the waiting game started.

My gynae came and examine me. He informed us that the baby is active but since the waterbag has ruptured, it is advisable to induce my body to deliver. But I was thinking, if the baby is not ready, I do not want to force her. So we decided to wait until evening before going for induction. It was a rather relaxing day, waiting and watching tv. I do not feel any contraction.

Come evening, doctor decided to insert a drug that would make my womb contract. I was still able to sleep because I am used to menstrual pains that are worse than this. So much so that on the next day when the doctor came and examine me, his verdict is still the same - Not ready!

My gynae gave us 2 options. Either continue to pill induction or opt for c-section. We are still hoping to go through it naturally. So wait we did. By noon, I was wheeled to labour hall. It is called a hall because all natural labour took place here. We are only separated by different rooms. As I lay there with the machine strapped on my stomach, I could here different ladies screaming their heads off. Off course thay always end up with a baby 's cries. It was so painful to lay still on my back with that heavy stomach all day. Moreover I could not stand the examination pain, so I opted for epidural. The anaesthetist was very nice. She explained the procedure and side effects and stayed with me for a while to monitor my progress. This time when the gynae came again for examination, I don't feel a thing (phew...).

But then he said the head's position seemed to have moved, which means natural birth is out of the question. Both Ben and I started to worry. But when he used ultrasound to check on the baby, he said the position is correct. Another problem is that I had been having contractions since yesterday evening and it has been 24 hours, but my body is still not ready to deliver. By looking at the baby's heartbeat, every contraction makes her heartbeat slowed down and having gone through that for the last 24 hours is very tiring for her. Doc is afraid baby might be too weak to go through the birth canal, so he suggested we consider c-section.

The reason that we hope to go through natural birth is because I am allergic to most drugs, so we worried that it might complicate things if we had c-section. But after discussion with the gynae and anaesthetist, we decided we do not want to endanger the baby any further. Once that is decided, I was wheeled to the operation theatre. I was stripped and position like a cross on the table. The epidural dosage was increased to numb my upper body as well. Being afraid that my emotion might complicate the operation, I requested not to witness the process. Ben was brought in once I am ready. He sat beside me and held my hand through the operation. He got to see how the baby was pulled out after a few attempts. Everyone kept saying "What a big baby!". When I heard her cry, my tears naturally bursts out. I am not sure if this is what some people say as "overwhelmed by love", but I know it was a released of all my worries for her. And when the nurse brought her over to my face to see her, I just can't stop my tears.

Baby, mama loves you so much..