Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Baby 102 : Swallowing the numbing shock

If you think that decision to have a baby is just a one-off decision of your own, then you are very wrong. Yes, you might be the carrier, but if you have conscience, you know that decision is never in your hands.
The moment Ben saw the moving hands, the big head and the pulsating heartbeats on the ultrasound screen, he never stop grinning. The irritating-cum-lovely grin kept widening and pulling strings in my heart. Ben loves baby, but he never pushes me to have one. Guess nature has been giving him a helping hand.
Then, there were all the family members from both sides. Everyone laughed and rejoiced at the news, except for my sister. Maybe because we are very close with each other, she is the only person that felt the same numbing emptiness like I do. We were the only 2 persons firmly nailed on the ground, whilst the surrounding rest were on cloud nine.
So decision was not difficult, as I love to see everyone so happy. But being such a serious person that I am, I did a lot of calculations and considerations on a totally new set of game in our future (it is no more my future). I have to admit that the future looks unnerving to me. But as much as I dreaded the 180° change in my life, the beating heart within me has already hold me on my new bearings. Guess there is no turning back now.

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