Starry Starry Night...

It's been a long while since I last get time off on my own. Being at a foreign land with all concerns far far away, I found that voice within me again. That tiny little crazy thing that's struggling all the time. Always questioning self, existence, rationales, living and dying. It's not always vocal, while I followed the crowd through the mundane buzzings from one place to another, earning a pittance in search of better comfort for my loved ones.
It's a struggle because I know I am an extremist. I'd love to live a life that's full, but what do I want to fill into this void? Having a loving family? Having wonderful travelling experience? Having fruitful career? Reaching out to the souls with lyrical strokes of arts?
Time... There's always a confining limit, and the ultimate limit of all limits is time. But without them, nothing is worth the effort and nothing is of value because there is always later, some day, next time. And with all the different aspects pulling your interest within the constraints of time. The tension is simply exasperating.
A friend (if I can rightly call him that with only days of friendship) mentioned about love-hate relationship, and it got my head spinning all weekend over the 360.. no, more like spherical perspectives of questions. Yes.. just questions with no answers unless I walk that path.
Why not throw all apprehensions in the air and endeavor into the road not taken? Why not nurture the cycle of life to a meaningful being? Why not perform our duties to those that have given so much to us and taken so little? Why not shower those that have adored us with our love and yield to hear the simple heartbeat on his chest? Why not give the best of us in our vocation and lead mankind to higher actualisation? Why not cry our hearts out and let the wind dry our tears? Why not stand tall and bring sunshine to the surrounding beings? Why mingle into the mundane day to day rivalry of existence? Why distant ourselves from the wonders that life presented us? w-h-y-....
No wonder Vincent threw in the towel. Because they never will...