Starry Starry Night...

It's been a long while since I last get time off on my own. Being at a foreign land with all concerns far far away, I found that voice within me again. That tiny little crazy thing that's struggling all the time. Always questioning self, existence, rationales, living and dying. It's not always vocal, while I followed the crowd through the mundane buzzings from one place to another, earning a pittance in search of better comfort for my loved ones.
It's a struggle because I know I am an extremist. I'd love to live a life that's full, but what do I want to fill into this void? Having a loving family? Having wonderful travelling experience? Having fruitful career? Reaching out to the souls with lyrical strokes of arts?
Time... There's always a confining limit, and the ultimate limit of all limits is time. But without them, nothing is worth the effort and nothing is of value because there is always later, some day, next time. And with all the different aspects pulling your interest within the constraints of time. The tension is simply exasperating.
A friend (if I can rightly call him that with only days of friendship) mentioned about love-hate relationship, and it got my head spinning all weekend over the 360.. no, more like spherical perspectives of questions. Yes.. just questions with no answers unless I walk that path.
Why not throw all apprehensions in the air and endeavor into the road not taken? Why not nurture the cycle of life to a meaningful being? Why not perform our duties to those that have given so much to us and taken so little? Why not shower those that have adored us with our love and yield to hear the simple heartbeat on his chest? Why not give the best of us in our vocation and lead mankind to higher actualisation? Why not cry our hearts out and let the wind dry our tears? Why not stand tall and bring sunshine to the surrounding beings? Why mingle into the mundane day to day rivalry of existence? Why distant ourselves from the wonders that life presented us? w-h-y-....
No wonder Vincent threw in the towel. Because they never will...

Intelligence or Decadence, Decency vs Luxury

Chicken a la Carte is a short film awarded "The Most Popular" in 56th Berlin International Film Festival. I thank the creator - Ferdinand Dimadura, for reminding me life beyond our material existence. Sounds religious? Sorry, all I wanted to convey was that there should be higher value to our life than just the clothes we carry, the food we eat, the car we drive, the mobile we use, the house we live and so on. Does any of these add values to our living? Does having a teaspoon of caviar gives me energy to lend a hand to help an old lady carry her bags? Does wearing a haute couture watch gives you more time to offer the last place in the lift so that the pregnant lady can take the ride?

A friend sent me another blog over a young professional's life in a cosmopolitan city. It is of course her right to live the life she wants. And that is $1,000 a coat and $20 a piece of sushi. As much as I respect a person's choices in life, I can't help feeling sorry that a person has to find comfort in things that is beyond her. Sometimes people seemed trying very much to live up to a certain status that doesn't seemed to lead anywhere. If she can only find value in the things that she wear, drives or eat, wonder what life means to her. If education only manage to give her those exterior comfort, wonder what is the meaning of intelligence.

But then again, who am I to question what is and isn't meaningful. I am afterall but a grain of sand in the world of sun, wind and sea. How would I know what balance others are bringing.

To remember me...

The day will come when my body will lie upon a white sheet neatly tucked under four corners of a mattress located in a hospital busily occupied with the living and the dying. At a certain moment a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that, for all intents and purposes, my life has stopped.

When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine. And don't call this my deathbed.

Let it be called the bed of life, and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives.

Give my sight to the man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face or love in the eyes of a woman. Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain. Give my blood to the teenager who has pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play. Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week. Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body and find a way to make a crippled child walk.

Explore every corner of my brain. Take my cells, if necessary, and let them grow so that, someday, a speechless boy would shout at the crack of a bat and a deaf girl will hear the sound of rain against her window.

Burn what is left of me and scatter the ashes to the winds to help the flowers grow.

If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses and all prejudice against my fellow man.

If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you. If you do all I have asked, I will live forever.

~ Robert N. Test ~

Source : Courtesy of Mr Chong G. C.

Click here if you wish to be a donor

A promise - 10 years late

Mr Chong was my lecturer back when I was in college. I couldn't really appreciate his classes, what with the subject of taxation. I never really got to know him then. I can't even remember how I came to make appointment and had dinner with him after I left college. It was then I discovered his passion for wisdom and sharing. His kindness to me was not something you encounter everyday. He gave me many things. CDs of soothing music, books on living, and most precious of all - his own compilation on words of wisdom. His dream was to be able to share those wisdom with as many people as he can. I remembered telling him, I would love to help. I had initially planned to produce it in words file, and send to him. Then I left for study in overseas. When I came back, I had some personal issues to settle. Then a job, then another job, and another and another. Life just kept moving at a momentum that I myself has lost track of the pace. The thought of not keeping this promise struck me once a while, but new things never failed to crop up and occupied my mind. There is always something new, something interesting, something captivating.
Then I had a baby. The day I held her close to my heart, world around me stopped for a while. I retraced my foot steps and learn to stop and smell the roses again. And this is one of the roses, passed on to me by Mr Chong, that I would like to share it with you:

"Every beauty and greatness in this world is created by a single thought or emotion inside a man" ~ K. Gibran

My little green cocoon

I have recently moved to a new place. No big garden or open space, but tiny little balcony for all my plants. Luckily they managed to fit in to the new place, so I still get to enjoy a little bit of green in the busy city.

I manage to grow a tomato plant. The flowers kept sprouting but no fruit in sight. I finally lost patience and took the plant out, as it is attracting pest like aphids and flies.

And this! My dad bought me a pot of rose from Cameron Highlands. I thought I have no luck in flowering plants, but I guess she likes it here. She has never stop flowering and still going strong even when I was away for a few days without watering. But I did my own research too. Give her lots of water. I practically soak her so that she can stay cool. So for those that thought their hands could never grow anything, follow Edison's motto. Never give up!

This is a plant from a fruit I have brought from Penang. The fruit is called "Pao Teh". The fruit itself is very strongly fragrant but mildly taste. I think it is called pao teh as the aroma reminds you of a good tea experience. Not overpowering but lingering aromatic. It was the fruit that prompted me to attempt planting it. They came out beautifully, but very slowly. Hope it will grow to be a fruitful tree.

Ah.. This is another plant my dad bought me when he was in Cameron Highlands. "Ji Tin Jiu" - sky-pointing chili. I have to harvest it every month as the plant kept growing chilis like there is never tomorrow. For any interested amateur planter, chili is the easiest plant to grow. Just spread some chili seeds in a pot and you can see results in a week or two. Make sure you water them daily and voila. No need to get them from the markets anymore.

Japanese potatoes are so beautiful. The fruit is interesting and the leaves are even more so. I bury the potato into the soil and they sprouted in no time. But becareful not to let them run wild. These plants are so fast, I almost have another escape route via potato plants in the balcony.

This is local sweet potato plants. They are really quick to grow. No wonder people in the olden days eat potatoes to replace precious rice. I was hoping to find new potatoes when I dig them up 2 months later. Alas, it was just potatoes (castles) in the air.

Baby 111 : A full moon celebration

According to my mom-in-law, full moon celebration for baby girl must be earlier than the actual date. We had it on 26 October 2008. A significant date for the baby and mommy (coz I get to bathe, yeay...)Chinese starts counting a baby's age not from birth but from conception. Hence, after 1 month from delivery, we celebrate the baby's first birthday - "full moon celebration" and they are considered 1 years old then. That's why, if you were to ask Chinese from the olden days how old are they, they will ask you back - "Chinese or English?". If Chinese I am 21, if English I am 20. And so on this day, my baby is one year old. What do we do?

We celebrate birthday with hard boiled eggs dyed in red. Why egg? Chinese mythical tales has it that the earth and sky came from a man, who was initially shaped in the form of an egg. When he woke up, he separates the shell by pushing upwards and stepping downwards. He could not leave as the sky and earth will re-combine if he leaves, so he stood for centuries until the sky is permanently separated from the earth. By this time, he was also tired and fell dead. His eyes became the sun and the moon. His hair the trees and flowers. His body the mountains and hills. His blood the sea and flowing rivers. Who is he? He is Pan Gu.

And so the eggs signifies birth in its original shape. Why red? Chinese believe red signifies good luck.

As for Malaysia Chinese, we includes nasi kunyit (turmeric glutinous rice) and curry chicken. We also feast on G Geok Chou (pork leg braised in vinegar) and white rice. All these food are supposed to rejuvenate and expel wind in the body.

Many new Chinese mama would proudly declared that they did not follow the tradition/practice for the first month after delivery. Basically new mamas were refrained from bath, washing their hair, eating cold food, drinking cold drinks, eating/drinking while standing up, carry heavy stuff or wash hands with tap water. I know it sounds extreme, but I have seen and heard enough about middle-age women complaining about their health and regrets over their own failure to comply with the tradition. Say whatever you want, I do believe that a woman's health during the 1 month after delivery is very fragile. It is also a window of opportunity for those women who wish to improve their body constitution. It was said that if your general health had been poor, this one month could improve your body constitution (something like a renewed you). Likewise, if you did not take care during this 1 month, the damage done cannot be undone, no matter how much you try to rejuvenate thereafter.

All being said and done, it is also the time for the proud parents and grandparents to show off their beloved baby. I think it is quite the right time, when the mama is more ready to socialise. Relatives and friends will show their support by giving gifts or help take care of the baby/house/new mama. Close family members usually give gold as a form of long term asset for the parents or the baby.

I thank my family, friends and colleagues that so kindly send me help, gifts and well wishes. It's very heart-warming for me and thoughtful of them. I am very lucky to have you!

Baby 110 : The confinement period. The beginning of a new chapter

The actual delivery was a breeze compared to what I had to go through in the entire labour process. Maybe it was blessing in disguise to have a c-section instead of the actual labour, although I would have preferred the natural way. That's done and over with. Many books would have warned you that this is not the end. Believe it!

Being Chinese, we believe that the first month after birth is very important for the mother to recuperate and rejuvenate all her lost nutrients. If you don't do it within that month, the window of opportunity will be closed thereafter and whatever you do onwards could not compensate the loss. In addition, there are many food that the new mom should abstain from taking, in order to ensure harmony of health. Therefore, we either hire a confinement lady to cook nutritious and suitable food for the new mom or we get some elders that knows the methods/experience of pospartum care to help.

I had initially engaged a confinement lady from Rawang (MJ is her initial). She seemed nice and friendly enough. In order to secure her service, I have paid her 10% down payment (can you believe this?) 5 months earlier. Then, a month before my delivery, she told me that her daughter is getting married, so she may have to take 2 days off during my confinement period. We said fine. And then, 1 day before delivery, she requested to come 1 week after my delivery (because of her daughter's wedding again). We tried to be understanding and so suffer we did.

On the first day that we brought ur baby back from hospital. I felt so helpless. I tried breastfeeding the baby, but she was crying her lungs out while I frantically trying to promote the goodness of breast milk. Damn those books and researches that promoted breastfeeding. At night, when the baby cried, we don't know what to do. Ben was so much better than I am in taking care of her. He patiently changed her, fed her and soother her to sleep. I felt so helpless. By end of second day, I have called another confinement lady to help me for a week. At least until MJ is here. How wrong was I!

1 day before hubby travel down to Rawang to fetch her, I called again to ask her if she confirmed that she can come. She said yes, and so Ben went down to Rawang the next day. Can you believe it? She told Ben that she could not come because it is a taboo because of her daughter's marriage. She recomemded her sister. Ben gave me a call straight away. You know how a woman's hormones like after giving birth? I'll tell you. I gave her a good trashing for lying to us again and again. I told her to pay back my husband the deposit and travelling fees.

After that I have to beg the existing confinement lady to continue her term with me until baby is full moon. Lucky me, she fell in love with my girl, so persuasion was easy.

Then, there is the issue of taboo and food during confinement period. Abstaining from poisonous or windy food is nothing compared to not bathing for a month and eating those extremely heaty food. I am drenched with sweat every time I had my meals, yet I am not allowed to bathe. The stickiness was horrible. At the end of the month when I could finally wash my hair and bathe, I can literally feel a load off my entire head and body. It makes me appreciate the fact that Malaysia is such a fluorishing country that allows me clean water to bathe avery single day.

But the most amazing thing about motherhood is that, nomatter how painful is my wound. I could jumped up and pick my daughter whenever she is crying. Pain? I felt nothing. Power of love!