Baby 102 : Swallowing the numbing shock

If you think that decision to have a baby is just a one-off decision of your own, then you are very wrong. Yes, you might be the carrier, but if you have conscience, you know that decision is never in your hands.
The moment Ben saw the moving hands, the big head and the pulsating heartbeats on the ultrasound screen, he never stop grinning. The irritating-cum-lovely grin kept widening and pulling strings in my heart. Ben loves baby, but he never pushes me to have one. Guess nature has been giving him a helping hand.
Then, there were all the family members from both sides. Everyone laughed and rejoiced at the news, except for my sister. Maybe because we are very close with each other, she is the only person that felt the same numbing emptiness like I do. We were the only 2 persons firmly nailed on the ground, whilst the surrounding rest were on cloud nine.
So decision was not difficult, as I love to see everyone so happy. But being such a serious person that I am, I did a lot of calculations and considerations on a totally new set of game in our future (it is no more my future). I have to admit that the future looks unnerving to me. But as much as I dreaded the 180° change in my life, the beating heart within me has already hold me on my new bearings. Guess there is no turning back now.

May you be well and happy!

I kept hearing it calling out. It’s already the second day and no help seem to come about.
I have just finish spring cleaning my little guppies house. They’ve been really busy these past months. Baby guppies kept coming and I have to source for a bigger house for them. From the original 5, they dwindled to 2 due to bird and lizard attacks. Then, 6 little guppies came into our view. As the weeks passed, we saw additional 6 smaller guppies joining the family. Initially, I dare not wash the bowl, afraid that I might pour out the little guppies while doing my cleaning and thus causing them early demise. We finally move them over to 2 different bowls yesterday.
When all was finally cleaned and cleared, I heard it calling again. I can stand it no longer. I ask Ben to allow me to go to the poor fellow. He agreed. I quickly grabbed my beautiful transparent umbrella while Ben went for the keys. We went searching and found it blind and oh so small. Ben picked it up and remarked that it may be blind. I looked around and couldn’t find any relatives of this little fellow. We brought it home and decided to warm some fresh milk for it. Its blindness confirmed, as we saw how the little fellow kept missing the bowl of milk and depended solely on smell and hearing. Worse still, the little fellow is too young that it can’t even lick the milk. Luckily I have some cat food stocked up for situation like this. I squeeze out the soft tuna and salmon meat and the fellow seemed to love it. We tried various ways to feed it some milk. We tried pouring some milk into the rubber hand glove and poke a tiny hole at the tip of the finger to induce the little fellow to suck. But the fellow doesn’t seem to like it. We can’t keep her as she still needs her mother. After much deliberation, we decided to put her in a small little box cushioned with rags and then placed them in a bigger box, so that it won’t wander off and got knocked off by cars. The fellow must have felt safe and warm because it went to sleep and didn’t wake up the entire evening (when we went to check on it in the evening and night).
Today morning, I have poured out a small amount of milk and some more tuna, just in case its mom has not come to claim it. But glad to say that all’s well ends well. The little fellow has been fetched by its mom. Anyway, we just leave the milk and tuna there, in case mommy needs to eat.
Dear little kitty, may you be well and happy. May you be free from enmity and danger. May you be free from suffering.

Baby 101

How do you know you are pregnant? Nope. Do not believe all you see in the tv. There were no faintings, vomittings, or nauseating moments. Everything felt alright. Maybe a little sleepy. Okay! A lot more sleepier, but given my sleepy-head nature, I never gave much thought about it.

But I kept missing my menstruation. The first month, it was year end, and I was busy wrapping up my work. Maybe it was just stress. The second month, it was a company trip and another team building program. Maybe it was the travelling and stress. The third month, nothing. Something is not right here. Come to think of it, I have been having some rather funny cravings. For once, I never like pineapples. But these days, I'd been having them almost daily. A change in tastebuds? Maybe yes, maybe no.

Ben? He thought nothing of it, which I did, initially. But 3 months? I decided to buy one of those off-the-shelf one-step testing kit. But I kept forgetting to do the test, until one early morning. Ben had told me to wake him up when I am doing the test, so I did (why let him enjoy the sleep, while I waited anxiously alone, right?). The result? Positive.

Oh.......my! Now I have nothing against children. In fact, I adopted one myself (www.worldvision.com.my). But having one of my own? That's a real big step. For one, I am allergic to most medicine. I am not sure if I am able to give birth safely. Two, I am a perfectionist. I am too serious about life that I may bog down my child's mind with all the life issues. Three, I had been a real headache to my dad when I was growing up. I knew the kind of headache he had and I did not intend to inherit them. So I told myself, this is a cheap testing kit that is prone to errors. Better check it out with a real specialist.

We are real procastinators. It took us another week to finally meet up with a gynae. We met Dr Lim and told him about our situation. He asked me to lie down on the bed and he started squeezing some cold gel on my tummy. Then he put this cold plastic scanner or something on my tummy and started free-wheeling around my lower abdomen, while his eyes focussing on a black & white tv screen. Then he put his index fingers on the screen and showed us a round object.

"You see this?" he asked. We nodded. "That's your baby there. And this blinking white dot?", we nodded again. "That's your baby's heart beat."

And the waves of shock and numbness begins...

The Roti Man

We used to wait for the roti man to come to our house during the evenings. Mom would want to buy bread for tomorrow's breakfast, while we, the kids, would like to buy junk food like Mimi, Chickedees, Kum Kum and so much more. Sometimes, mom would buy rectangle buns with coffee cream to keep as snacks in case we are hungry.
You still see this bread peddler with great balancing skills riding around housing estates, be it in big city or small town.
This is part of Malaysia.

Uncle Choong

If you have seen my previous post on Uncle Mun, you would know that Uncle Choong is another friend of Ben's dad.

My first impression of this man is that he looks like Choy Sun Ye (Prosperity God) for Chinese or Santa Claus for Christian. He is generally round with full long beard. He has got bright eyes and bushy eyebrows. For a person like me, who is really bad at studying a person's features (because I am shy by nature, ek eheh..), I thought I did quite well by capturing their faces. I had to. I spent the whole hour++ sitting there studying them.
Anyway, Uncle Choong is an entrepreneur and similar to Uncle Mun, he too has limited education. He knows no English or Malay. His bills were written by qualified engineers under his instruction. Projects that are deemed not do-able by many has been proven successful under his hands. His name is so famous within the industry that graduates/scholars wanted to be his apprentice. Need I say more?
But from what I could discern, I don't think you can learn how he does things. It is more like applying his spirit. The never say can't and never give up spirit. He would stay up all night thinking of a solution to his problem. He would knock on your doors at 4am to tell you he found the solution and hope to get it done. That's what differentiate him from the scholars. You can't acquire this from books. You have to apply it.
Uncle Choong's favourite quote since the 70s : "People has already managed to travel to the moon, what else can't be done?". Can you?

Thank you!

As I sit here typing away anything I want to say, without reserve. I can't help feeling lucky and thankful that I have all I need. I have beautiful musics that accompanies me whenever I am and whatever I am doing. I have good books to lull me to sleep or entertain me when I am bored. I have great people surrounding me, some ensured I am pampered, while others ensured I get my fair share of life's lessons. I have work (including these blogs I am maintaining) and hobbies to keep me going. And when all else fail, I have my imagination to give me all that is lacking in my life. From the bottom of my heart, I am thankful for I am still living today. Thank you!

Uncle Mun

It was raining on Saturday night. I followed Ben to fetch his father from a gathering with his old friends. Friends he had known and worked with since 1972. When we were there, we were told to join them for a drink. Sitting beside Ben's father was Uncle Mun.
Uncle Mun is not an engineer. Neither is a degree holder. But do not underestimate Uncle Mun. He may not have been well educated, but back then, the general public all over Malaysia may not have the opportunity to taste soda crackers without him. No, he is not a baker. He is the man that engineered machine that could mass produce soda crackers. There is no formulated calculations, nor is there blue prints to build the machines. Everything was done through trial and error. Resources and technology back then was limited, but what he possesses were homo sapiens basic creativity and determination. Traits that all of us possessed but failed to develop. As we sat there drinking and listening to them lamenting about all the knocks and bruises they tackled along the walks of life, I kept asking myself 2 questions.

1. Did we ever asked the elders in our family about their story?
So many things we could learn from people so near us, but why are we looking so far away from them?

2. How have we digress?
How many times have you heard people lamenting their fortune and destiny instead of fighting for their goal?

I kept studying their faces, Uncle Mun, Ben's father and Uncle Choong. They may not be the richest tycoon or most famous celebrity, but you see their pride and integrity as clear as the sun. I wish their legacy could be passed on to the next generation. Not the machines, but their spirit.

There isn't really a need to buy books to learn about philosophy and life, as long as you are willing to sit and have a drink with the golden citizens.