Baby 108 : Is it here already?

I have been counting the days impatiently "When is my baby going to come out?". And today morning when I spotted some slight sign of labour, both Ben and I looked at each other blankly. Is it here already? Oh oo.... I have not fully cleared my desk in the office. I just need another day. Ben is thinking the same thing. As much as we were hoping the baby to come, we have not practice facing the full reality. Now I wonder if it is going to hit us hard right on our face.

Baby 107 : I can't wait!

It is the final lapse now. I feel so much more heavier and clumsier. But my moods are still going ups and downs. The 3rd round sees me going through new surges of hormones. I feel lucky and loved some times, while other times I feel smothered and helpless. As much as I put in a lot of grunts and complaints here, I have to say that I actually had equal times of happiness, contentment and love. You have seen me gone through enough stories about my tiredness and limits. It is only fair to also share with you, what's amazing:

1. It's alive. The movements within my abdomen never stop to amaze me. It's a comfort to me that my baby is healthy and active. And this little secret of morse code we share is so personal and amusing. It never cease to make me smile, nomatter where I am and what I am doing. The more baby kicks and turns, the more I laugh. I supposed this is really one of the best experience a woman can feel.
   
2. I have families and friends that are really supportive and concern over my welfare. I know this is really contradictary. But during the times when I am not so uptight, I can actually see through their love for me. But please forgive me for being human. Too much of something is never a good thing. I will always try to be understanding, but I hope you will do the same too, during those times I woke up from another side of the bed.
   
3. I am less self conscious now. I am by nature a very shy person. I am very conscious about myself. I would feel very uncomfortable with strangers and even acquaintance. I don't feel comfortable wearing shorts or spaghetti strings. But now that I am huge, I am able to throw all that into the wind. Not that I am wearing tight spaghetti strings with shorts. I still think that's excessive. But at least I feel less edgy in the public.
   
4. It is definitely a lifetime experience that you won't know it until you have tried it. And I get to say I did it.
5. A great reason to reconstruct my diet and habits. I am carnivorous, but now that I have to think about my baby, I ate more responsibly. In fact, the amount of vege and fruits I took for this 9 months is more than my annual consumption at any point of my past life.
6. I get to see my family beaming with happiness. They say you glow when you are pregnant. You have not seen my hubby and papa. I have never seen this side of them. Never expected the impact on them to be so significant.
7. And of course, the most important of all, there is no more feeling guilty for failing to give what hubby wanted - A complete family with his own kid.
8. Oh, last but not least, you get to eat a lot and whatever you want (as long as they are not in the taboo list) :P

Baby 106 : Can I touch you there?

Yea... Sounds dodgy right? But you'll be amaze how people might think that it is alright to touch your stomach, just because you are pregnant. Hello... I can still sue you for sexual harassment ok! What?
Being pregnant does not equal to "U". My body is not open for public viewing. Got that? So stop staring at my stomach. Look at me when you are talking to me.
And stop asking me when I am due! I don't know you at all.
What do you care if it is a boy or a girl? You can't make any difference to it anyway.
Stop giving me advice. I will seek one, if I need one. Nobody wants to know about your horrid birth experience. You are not comforting me, you are scaring me.
Give me a break. I am still me, besides the carrier of the baby.
Don't ask me when I am going on leave. You think I love to stay here, if I can be somewhere else?
I look tired? I look terrible? Hello, try carrying one and go through all the backaches and headaches. Try going through all the breathlessness and numbness. Try going to toilets umpteen times day and night. Then you come and tell me.
I am so sorry. I know you meant good, but sometimes I just need you to leave me alone. It isn't me that's cranky, but the hormonal surge isn't helping. So please forgive me for lashing it all out here. I just need an outlet.

Don't let go...

My fellow human dwellers of the earth;

Is the current economic situation hogging your mind, bringing your spirit down?

Are you feeling hopeless and wished you have more?

I am thankful that I can breathe easily now.

My fellow human dwellers of the earth;

Is the cold and unfriendly world giving you shivers, tearing your heart apart?

Do you think the world has no more hope?

I am thankful that I can see clearer now.

There are many things that could happen to me any minute now,

But I am thankful I am still able to source my own supply/happiness.

Things may look gloom,

But even if there is just a glimmer of hope,

Don't let go...

Coco Wang is a comic strip artist that has created a blog on http://earthquakestrips.blogspot.com paying tribute to many heroes and sacrifices that we were not sure we were capable of.

The incidents in China is heartbreaking, and at the same time inspiring. Thank you for giving me hope. May you be well and happy..

Baby 105 : Ah... I think I am getting it!

Its the head. Doc says too late to take the whole pic as the baby is really big now. Ow...

After all the knocks and turns, I now feel better. Maybe I am in my second trimester, which is supposed to be the most comfortable period of the entire pregnancy, so I feel less strain. Or maybe the training worked so well that it already forms part of my life now. I am simply used to asking Ben "Can I eat this? / Can I do this?". I am also more used to having people opening doors for me and offering me to go first.

Gosh.. Come to think of it, now I know how my mom managed to wake up early in the morning, be so very patient with our antics and remain strong. Well, nowadays, I tend to wake up 4 or 5 in the morning. Not by choice, but I get so tired that I would sleep early and I couldn't shut my eyes after 7 hours of sleep. Funny, but I used that time to cook up some cakes and bread in the morning so that Ben could bring it to work.

And how can I not develop patience when I am so used to people bugging me with unwanted queries, advice and meddling. I mean, what's the point of getting upset when you know that deep down they really really meant good (they just don't realise how annoying they are :P).

And now that you know a life depended on you. You realise that you are not living for yourself anymore.

Nothing is going to bring me down for someone is looking up on me. I love you too!

Baby 104 : You think you'll get used to it. Think again!

Do I sound like I am scaring you? Sorry, not my intention at all. But it did shocked me many times over and scare me once in a while.

What do I mean? As your body hormone changes, many things occur outside your control.

• I get nose block that disturb my sleep.
• I get very bad lower back pain that sometimes getting up is such a task.
• I get severe headache that lasts for days.
• I get so tired that I could just doze off, even though I had enough sleep.

Some people said I am lucky I did not have morning sickness. Maybe yes, but I believe those other problems would have fully compensated the commonly suffered morning sickness.

Then when I was 4-5 months, I went travelling. They say this is the safest time (the 2nd trimester). But I had dizzy spells. It came like a whirlwind of hot air from bottom of my feet and shot up to my head in a nick of time. My knees buckled and I automatically lost balance. Never had this kind of feeling before. Real scary experience.

The second time I felt that dizziness coming, I tried to take deep breath as I thought oxygen should help. The moment I drew in my breath, I almost lost consciousness. Scared me the second time.

Luckily, I didn't suffer that again thereafter. I supposed it is the wind in my body that makes me nauseous and dizzy. But I was really thankful, Aunty Har was there beside me when it happened. Or else I would have fell from the stairs. Bless her!

Baby 103 : The numbing effect will go away when the drilling starts

Whoever said that you will glow and enjoy your pregnancy must be really selfless. I am no angel. I felt so miserable having to give up so many things so early in my pregnancy. For goodness sake, I have a lifetime of giving up to do. I wish people around me would give me a break now before I lose the opportunity to choose what’s left of my choice lifestyle.

Top 5 things I hate:

1. Forbidding me from certain type of food – Doctors have already assured that any type of food in moderation is ok, but not according to all the sudden new dietitians/experts around you.


2. Forbidding me from handiwork – Being independent soul that I lived for, it is very frustrating to be ordered to stay put and not allowed to get my hands on to any handiwork.


3. Forbidding me from moving freely – I am free spirited. I walk fast with a hint of skip when I am focused. I jump when I am in joy. I love stretching lazily when I’m on bed. And now I have to walk, sit and lay down like a snail.


4. Forbidding me from my emotional release – I am a direct person. I am passionate and my feelings shows for everyone to see. But now, I am told to stay calm so that my mood will not aggravate the baby.


5. Bodily changes that deny me my true self – I became so tired all the time. I used to be energetic even if I have not had a wink for the past 24 hours. Now I could simply doze off while reading a book, even though I have just woken up less than 2 hours ago. My mind is in constant fogginess that I need time to respond to queries. I became dumb!
   

No wonder everyone says mothers are selfless. They are because they were forced to. Trainings start from day 1 the announcement on pregnancy was made. And so the drill begins.