Baby 111 : A full moon celebration

According to my mom-in-law, full moon celebration for baby girl must be earlier than the actual date. We had it on 26 October 2008. A significant date for the baby and mommy (coz I get to bathe, yeay...)Chinese starts counting a baby's age not from birth but from conception. Hence, after 1 month from delivery, we celebrate the baby's first birthday - "full moon celebration" and they are considered 1 years old then. That's why, if you were to ask Chinese from the olden days how old are they, they will ask you back - "Chinese or English?". If Chinese I am 21, if English I am 20. And so on this day, my baby is one year old. What do we do?

We celebrate birthday with hard boiled eggs dyed in red. Why egg? Chinese mythical tales has it that the earth and sky came from a man, who was initially shaped in the form of an egg. When he woke up, he separates the shell by pushing upwards and stepping downwards. He could not leave as the sky and earth will re-combine if he leaves, so he stood for centuries until the sky is permanently separated from the earth. By this time, he was also tired and fell dead. His eyes became the sun and the moon. His hair the trees and flowers. His body the mountains and hills. His blood the sea and flowing rivers. Who is he? He is Pan Gu.

And so the eggs signifies birth in its original shape. Why red? Chinese believe red signifies good luck.

As for Malaysia Chinese, we includes nasi kunyit (turmeric glutinous rice) and curry chicken. We also feast on G Geok Chou (pork leg braised in vinegar) and white rice. All these food are supposed to rejuvenate and expel wind in the body.

Many new Chinese mama would proudly declared that they did not follow the tradition/practice for the first month after delivery. Basically new mamas were refrained from bath, washing their hair, eating cold food, drinking cold drinks, eating/drinking while standing up, carry heavy stuff or wash hands with tap water. I know it sounds extreme, but I have seen and heard enough about middle-age women complaining about their health and regrets over their own failure to comply with the tradition. Say whatever you want, I do believe that a woman's health during the 1 month after delivery is very fragile. It is also a window of opportunity for those women who wish to improve their body constitution. It was said that if your general health had been poor, this one month could improve your body constitution (something like a renewed you). Likewise, if you did not take care during this 1 month, the damage done cannot be undone, no matter how much you try to rejuvenate thereafter.

All being said and done, it is also the time for the proud parents and grandparents to show off their beloved baby. I think it is quite the right time, when the mama is more ready to socialise. Relatives and friends will show their support by giving gifts or help take care of the baby/house/new mama. Close family members usually give gold as a form of long term asset for the parents or the baby.

I thank my family, friends and colleagues that so kindly send me help, gifts and well wishes. It's very heart-warming for me and thoughtful of them. I am very lucky to have you!

Baby 110 : The confinement period. The beginning of a new chapter

The actual delivery was a breeze compared to what I had to go through in the entire labour process. Maybe it was blessing in disguise to have a c-section instead of the actual labour, although I would have preferred the natural way. That's done and over with. Many books would have warned you that this is not the end. Believe it!

Being Chinese, we believe that the first month after birth is very important for the mother to recuperate and rejuvenate all her lost nutrients. If you don't do it within that month, the window of opportunity will be closed thereafter and whatever you do onwards could not compensate the loss. In addition, there are many food that the new mom should abstain from taking, in order to ensure harmony of health. Therefore, we either hire a confinement lady to cook nutritious and suitable food for the new mom or we get some elders that knows the methods/experience of pospartum care to help.

I had initially engaged a confinement lady from Rawang (MJ is her initial). She seemed nice and friendly enough. In order to secure her service, I have paid her 10% down payment (can you believe this?) 5 months earlier. Then, a month before my delivery, she told me that her daughter is getting married, so she may have to take 2 days off during my confinement period. We said fine. And then, 1 day before delivery, she requested to come 1 week after my delivery (because of her daughter's wedding again). We tried to be understanding and so suffer we did.

On the first day that we brought ur baby back from hospital. I felt so helpless. I tried breastfeeding the baby, but she was crying her lungs out while I frantically trying to promote the goodness of breast milk. Damn those books and researches that promoted breastfeeding. At night, when the baby cried, we don't know what to do. Ben was so much better than I am in taking care of her. He patiently changed her, fed her and soother her to sleep. I felt so helpless. By end of second day, I have called another confinement lady to help me for a week. At least until MJ is here. How wrong was I!

1 day before hubby travel down to Rawang to fetch her, I called again to ask her if she confirmed that she can come. She said yes, and so Ben went down to Rawang the next day. Can you believe it? She told Ben that she could not come because it is a taboo because of her daughter's marriage. She recomemded her sister. Ben gave me a call straight away. You know how a woman's hormones like after giving birth? I'll tell you. I gave her a good trashing for lying to us again and again. I told her to pay back my husband the deposit and travelling fees.

After that I have to beg the existing confinement lady to continue her term with me until baby is full moon. Lucky me, she fell in love with my girl, so persuasion was easy.

Then, there is the issue of taboo and food during confinement period. Abstaining from poisonous or windy food is nothing compared to not bathing for a month and eating those extremely heaty food. I am drenched with sweat every time I had my meals, yet I am not allowed to bathe. The stickiness was horrible. At the end of the month when I could finally wash my hair and bathe, I can literally feel a load off my entire head and body. It makes me appreciate the fact that Malaysia is such a fluorishing country that allows me clean water to bathe avery single day.

But the most amazing thing about motherhood is that, nomatter how painful is my wound. I could jumped up and pick my daughter whenever she is crying. Pain? I felt nothing. Power of love!

Baby 109 : Happy Birthday!!

It was a long ordeal. For those who do not wish to know the details of child birth, I suggest you surf away from here.

For those of you that might be curious, here's the story.

I started spotting a week earlier. Everyone said it could be anytime now. But it is not a lot or very frequent, so when I called up my gynae, he said it should be alright, especially my baby is still very much active in my womb. And so we waited...

On day 3, I started to get worried because the spotting remained, yet just as irregular. I called up my gynae again and he advised me to visit the hospital for a check to see if the baby and I are ready. When I reached, the nurse took my urine sample, blood pressure and weight. I remember one of the more matured nurse asked me,"Your stomach is so huge. Is it the baby or you have thick skin (means I am fat la...)?". I told her, it must be my fats, since the doctor has told me the baby is growing normally. Ben went to park his car and came back to wait outside the examining room. Then they strapped 2 round pieces like earphones over my huge tummy. And I started hearing this "dup-dap, dup-dap..." beat. The rhythm was quick and strong. The nurse asked me to remained lying on my back for 15-30 minutes. When she came back again, she informed me that's my baby's heartbeat and hearing the strong beat, she sure is healthy and active. That was a relief to me. Then I requested the nurse to inform Ben about the baby's heartbeat. He later told me that he could even hear it from the waiting hall outside. Hihi.. That was cute!

Oh the nasty part would be when the doctor came and test if I am ready to deliver. It was really painful, even after the test is completed. But knowing baby is safe, we went back home happily.

But on day 5, when I woke up early in the morning, I noted that the waterbag must have ruptured. I woke Ben up and asked him if to drive me to hospital.

Once there, I go through the same check up all over again. The only difference is that I am facing a new set of nurses and doctor that run the tests on me. This time, the doctor advise me to be admitted to the hospital. Once the registration is done, the nurse came with a wheelchair to wheel me to my room. I felt so awkward to be on a wheel chair for the first time. When I reached my room, I was given a set of clothes and sarong to wear. Then the waiting game started.

My gynae came and examine me. He informed us that the baby is active but since the waterbag has ruptured, it is advisable to induce my body to deliver. But I was thinking, if the baby is not ready, I do not want to force her. So we decided to wait until evening before going for induction. It was a rather relaxing day, waiting and watching tv. I do not feel any contraction.

Come evening, doctor decided to insert a drug that would make my womb contract. I was still able to sleep because I am used to menstrual pains that are worse than this. So much so that on the next day when the doctor came and examine me, his verdict is still the same - Not ready!

My gynae gave us 2 options. Either continue to pill induction or opt for c-section. We are still hoping to go through it naturally. So wait we did. By noon, I was wheeled to labour hall. It is called a hall because all natural labour took place here. We are only separated by different rooms. As I lay there with the machine strapped on my stomach, I could here different ladies screaming their heads off. Off course thay always end up with a baby 's cries. It was so painful to lay still on my back with that heavy stomach all day. Moreover I could not stand the examination pain, so I opted for epidural. The anaesthetist was very nice. She explained the procedure and side effects and stayed with me for a while to monitor my progress. This time when the gynae came again for examination, I don't feel a thing (phew...).

But then he said the head's position seemed to have moved, which means natural birth is out of the question. Both Ben and I started to worry. But when he used ultrasound to check on the baby, he said the position is correct. Another problem is that I had been having contractions since yesterday evening and it has been 24 hours, but my body is still not ready to deliver. By looking at the baby's heartbeat, every contraction makes her heartbeat slowed down and having gone through that for the last 24 hours is very tiring for her. Doc is afraid baby might be too weak to go through the birth canal, so he suggested we consider c-section.

The reason that we hope to go through natural birth is because I am allergic to most drugs, so we worried that it might complicate things if we had c-section. But after discussion with the gynae and anaesthetist, we decided we do not want to endanger the baby any further. Once that is decided, I was wheeled to the operation theatre. I was stripped and position like a cross on the table. The epidural dosage was increased to numb my upper body as well. Being afraid that my emotion might complicate the operation, I requested not to witness the process. Ben was brought in once I am ready. He sat beside me and held my hand through the operation. He got to see how the baby was pulled out after a few attempts. Everyone kept saying "What a big baby!". When I heard her cry, my tears naturally bursts out. I am not sure if this is what some people say as "overwhelmed by love", but I know it was a released of all my worries for her. And when the nurse brought her over to my face to see her, I just can't stop my tears.

Baby, mama loves you so much..

Baby 108 : Is it here already?

I have been counting the days impatiently "When is my baby going to come out?". And today morning when I spotted some slight sign of labour, both Ben and I looked at each other blankly. Is it here already? Oh oo.... I have not fully cleared my desk in the office. I just need another day. Ben is thinking the same thing. As much as we were hoping the baby to come, we have not practice facing the full reality. Now I wonder if it is going to hit us hard right on our face.

Baby 107 : I can't wait!

It is the final lapse now. I feel so much more heavier and clumsier. But my moods are still going ups and downs. The 3rd round sees me going through new surges of hormones. I feel lucky and loved some times, while other times I feel smothered and helpless. As much as I put in a lot of grunts and complaints here, I have to say that I actually had equal times of happiness, contentment and love. You have seen me gone through enough stories about my tiredness and limits. It is only fair to also share with you, what's amazing:

1. It's alive. The movements within my abdomen never stop to amaze me. It's a comfort to me that my baby is healthy and active. And this little secret of morse code we share is so personal and amusing. It never cease to make me smile, nomatter where I am and what I am doing. The more baby kicks and turns, the more I laugh. I supposed this is really one of the best experience a woman can feel.
   
2. I have families and friends that are really supportive and concern over my welfare. I know this is really contradictary. But during the times when I am not so uptight, I can actually see through their love for me. But please forgive me for being human. Too much of something is never a good thing. I will always try to be understanding, but I hope you will do the same too, during those times I woke up from another side of the bed.
   
3. I am less self conscious now. I am by nature a very shy person. I am very conscious about myself. I would feel very uncomfortable with strangers and even acquaintance. I don't feel comfortable wearing shorts or spaghetti strings. But now that I am huge, I am able to throw all that into the wind. Not that I am wearing tight spaghetti strings with shorts. I still think that's excessive. But at least I feel less edgy in the public.
   
4. It is definitely a lifetime experience that you won't know it until you have tried it. And I get to say I did it.
5. A great reason to reconstruct my diet and habits. I am carnivorous, but now that I have to think about my baby, I ate more responsibly. In fact, the amount of vege and fruits I took for this 9 months is more than my annual consumption at any point of my past life.
6. I get to see my family beaming with happiness. They say you glow when you are pregnant. You have not seen my hubby and papa. I have never seen this side of them. Never expected the impact on them to be so significant.
7. And of course, the most important of all, there is no more feeling guilty for failing to give what hubby wanted - A complete family with his own kid.
8. Oh, last but not least, you get to eat a lot and whatever you want (as long as they are not in the taboo list) :P

Baby 106 : Can I touch you there?

Yea... Sounds dodgy right? But you'll be amaze how people might think that it is alright to touch your stomach, just because you are pregnant. Hello... I can still sue you for sexual harassment ok! What?
Being pregnant does not equal to "U". My body is not open for public viewing. Got that? So stop staring at my stomach. Look at me when you are talking to me.
And stop asking me when I am due! I don't know you at all.
What do you care if it is a boy or a girl? You can't make any difference to it anyway.
Stop giving me advice. I will seek one, if I need one. Nobody wants to know about your horrid birth experience. You are not comforting me, you are scaring me.
Give me a break. I am still me, besides the carrier of the baby.
Don't ask me when I am going on leave. You think I love to stay here, if I can be somewhere else?
I look tired? I look terrible? Hello, try carrying one and go through all the backaches and headaches. Try going through all the breathlessness and numbness. Try going to toilets umpteen times day and night. Then you come and tell me.
I am so sorry. I know you meant good, but sometimes I just need you to leave me alone. It isn't me that's cranky, but the hormonal surge isn't helping. So please forgive me for lashing it all out here. I just need an outlet.

Don't let go...

My fellow human dwellers of the earth;

Is the current economic situation hogging your mind, bringing your spirit down?

Are you feeling hopeless and wished you have more?

I am thankful that I can breathe easily now.

My fellow human dwellers of the earth;

Is the cold and unfriendly world giving you shivers, tearing your heart apart?

Do you think the world has no more hope?

I am thankful that I can see clearer now.

There are many things that could happen to me any minute now,

But I am thankful I am still able to source my own supply/happiness.

Things may look gloom,

But even if there is just a glimmer of hope,

Don't let go...

Coco Wang is a comic strip artist that has created a blog on http://earthquakestrips.blogspot.com paying tribute to many heroes and sacrifices that we were not sure we were capable of.

The incidents in China is heartbreaking, and at the same time inspiring. Thank you for giving me hope. May you be well and happy..

Baby 105 : Ah... I think I am getting it!

Its the head. Doc says too late to take the whole pic as the baby is really big now. Ow...

After all the knocks and turns, I now feel better. Maybe I am in my second trimester, which is supposed to be the most comfortable period of the entire pregnancy, so I feel less strain. Or maybe the training worked so well that it already forms part of my life now. I am simply used to asking Ben "Can I eat this? / Can I do this?". I am also more used to having people opening doors for me and offering me to go first.

Gosh.. Come to think of it, now I know how my mom managed to wake up early in the morning, be so very patient with our antics and remain strong. Well, nowadays, I tend to wake up 4 or 5 in the morning. Not by choice, but I get so tired that I would sleep early and I couldn't shut my eyes after 7 hours of sleep. Funny, but I used that time to cook up some cakes and bread in the morning so that Ben could bring it to work.

And how can I not develop patience when I am so used to people bugging me with unwanted queries, advice and meddling. I mean, what's the point of getting upset when you know that deep down they really really meant good (they just don't realise how annoying they are :P).

And now that you know a life depended on you. You realise that you are not living for yourself anymore.

Nothing is going to bring me down for someone is looking up on me. I love you too!

Baby 104 : You think you'll get used to it. Think again!

Do I sound like I am scaring you? Sorry, not my intention at all. But it did shocked me many times over and scare me once in a while.

What do I mean? As your body hormone changes, many things occur outside your control.

• I get nose block that disturb my sleep.
• I get very bad lower back pain that sometimes getting up is such a task.
• I get severe headache that lasts for days.
• I get so tired that I could just doze off, even though I had enough sleep.

Some people said I am lucky I did not have morning sickness. Maybe yes, but I believe those other problems would have fully compensated the commonly suffered morning sickness.

Then when I was 4-5 months, I went travelling. They say this is the safest time (the 2nd trimester). But I had dizzy spells. It came like a whirlwind of hot air from bottom of my feet and shot up to my head in a nick of time. My knees buckled and I automatically lost balance. Never had this kind of feeling before. Real scary experience.

The second time I felt that dizziness coming, I tried to take deep breath as I thought oxygen should help. The moment I drew in my breath, I almost lost consciousness. Scared me the second time.

Luckily, I didn't suffer that again thereafter. I supposed it is the wind in my body that makes me nauseous and dizzy. But I was really thankful, Aunty Har was there beside me when it happened. Or else I would have fell from the stairs. Bless her!

Baby 103 : The numbing effect will go away when the drilling starts

Whoever said that you will glow and enjoy your pregnancy must be really selfless. I am no angel. I felt so miserable having to give up so many things so early in my pregnancy. For goodness sake, I have a lifetime of giving up to do. I wish people around me would give me a break now before I lose the opportunity to choose what’s left of my choice lifestyle.

Top 5 things I hate:

1. Forbidding me from certain type of food – Doctors have already assured that any type of food in moderation is ok, but not according to all the sudden new dietitians/experts around you.


2. Forbidding me from handiwork – Being independent soul that I lived for, it is very frustrating to be ordered to stay put and not allowed to get my hands on to any handiwork.


3. Forbidding me from moving freely – I am free spirited. I walk fast with a hint of skip when I am focused. I jump when I am in joy. I love stretching lazily when I’m on bed. And now I have to walk, sit and lay down like a snail.


4. Forbidding me from my emotional release – I am a direct person. I am passionate and my feelings shows for everyone to see. But now, I am told to stay calm so that my mood will not aggravate the baby.


5. Bodily changes that deny me my true self – I became so tired all the time. I used to be energetic even if I have not had a wink for the past 24 hours. Now I could simply doze off while reading a book, even though I have just woken up less than 2 hours ago. My mind is in constant fogginess that I need time to respond to queries. I became dumb!
   

No wonder everyone says mothers are selfless. They are because they were forced to. Trainings start from day 1 the announcement on pregnancy was made. And so the drill begins.

My guppies update

Remember my guppies? Now it is a family of 14. It was amazing to find new baby guppies. And very relaxing to watch them play/swim. Now one of our daily routine when reach home is to watch the little guppies and make a head count, just to make sure none of them gone missing (bird and lizard had been attacking our fishes). We are hoping to train them to learn to hide underneath the water plants by feeding them around that area.

Can you see them? One baby is at the top left of the bowl, and the other at the top right of the bowl. It's really difficult to catch them in film. After 30 over photos taken, this is the clearest. The rest are a blur of shadows.

Baby 102 : Swallowing the numbing shock

If you think that decision to have a baby is just a one-off decision of your own, then you are very wrong. Yes, you might be the carrier, but if you have conscience, you know that decision is never in your hands.
The moment Ben saw the moving hands, the big head and the pulsating heartbeats on the ultrasound screen, he never stop grinning. The irritating-cum-lovely grin kept widening and pulling strings in my heart. Ben loves baby, but he never pushes me to have one. Guess nature has been giving him a helping hand.
Then, there were all the family members from both sides. Everyone laughed and rejoiced at the news, except for my sister. Maybe because we are very close with each other, she is the only person that felt the same numbing emptiness like I do. We were the only 2 persons firmly nailed on the ground, whilst the surrounding rest were on cloud nine.
So decision was not difficult, as I love to see everyone so happy. But being such a serious person that I am, I did a lot of calculations and considerations on a totally new set of game in our future (it is no more my future). I have to admit that the future looks unnerving to me. But as much as I dreaded the 180° change in my life, the beating heart within me has already hold me on my new bearings. Guess there is no turning back now.

May you be well and happy!

I kept hearing it calling out. It’s already the second day and no help seem to come about.
I have just finish spring cleaning my little guppies house. They’ve been really busy these past months. Baby guppies kept coming and I have to source for a bigger house for them. From the original 5, they dwindled to 2 due to bird and lizard attacks. Then, 6 little guppies came into our view. As the weeks passed, we saw additional 6 smaller guppies joining the family. Initially, I dare not wash the bowl, afraid that I might pour out the little guppies while doing my cleaning and thus causing them early demise. We finally move them over to 2 different bowls yesterday.
When all was finally cleaned and cleared, I heard it calling again. I can stand it no longer. I ask Ben to allow me to go to the poor fellow. He agreed. I quickly grabbed my beautiful transparent umbrella while Ben went for the keys. We went searching and found it blind and oh so small. Ben picked it up and remarked that it may be blind. I looked around and couldn’t find any relatives of this little fellow. We brought it home and decided to warm some fresh milk for it. Its blindness confirmed, as we saw how the little fellow kept missing the bowl of milk and depended solely on smell and hearing. Worse still, the little fellow is too young that it can’t even lick the milk. Luckily I have some cat food stocked up for situation like this. I squeeze out the soft tuna and salmon meat and the fellow seemed to love it. We tried various ways to feed it some milk. We tried pouring some milk into the rubber hand glove and poke a tiny hole at the tip of the finger to induce the little fellow to suck. But the fellow doesn’t seem to like it. We can’t keep her as she still needs her mother. After much deliberation, we decided to put her in a small little box cushioned with rags and then placed them in a bigger box, so that it won’t wander off and got knocked off by cars. The fellow must have felt safe and warm because it went to sleep and didn’t wake up the entire evening (when we went to check on it in the evening and night).
Today morning, I have poured out a small amount of milk and some more tuna, just in case its mom has not come to claim it. But glad to say that all’s well ends well. The little fellow has been fetched by its mom. Anyway, we just leave the milk and tuna there, in case mommy needs to eat.
Dear little kitty, may you be well and happy. May you be free from enmity and danger. May you be free from suffering.

Baby 101

How do you know you are pregnant? Nope. Do not believe all you see in the tv. There were no faintings, vomittings, or nauseating moments. Everything felt alright. Maybe a little sleepy. Okay! A lot more sleepier, but given my sleepy-head nature, I never gave much thought about it.

But I kept missing my menstruation. The first month, it was year end, and I was busy wrapping up my work. Maybe it was just stress. The second month, it was a company trip and another team building program. Maybe it was the travelling and stress. The third month, nothing. Something is not right here. Come to think of it, I have been having some rather funny cravings. For once, I never like pineapples. But these days, I'd been having them almost daily. A change in tastebuds? Maybe yes, maybe no.

Ben? He thought nothing of it, which I did, initially. But 3 months? I decided to buy one of those off-the-shelf one-step testing kit. But I kept forgetting to do the test, until one early morning. Ben had told me to wake him up when I am doing the test, so I did (why let him enjoy the sleep, while I waited anxiously alone, right?). The result? Positive.

Oh.......my! Now I have nothing against children. In fact, I adopted one myself (www.worldvision.com.my). But having one of my own? That's a real big step. For one, I am allergic to most medicine. I am not sure if I am able to give birth safely. Two, I am a perfectionist. I am too serious about life that I may bog down my child's mind with all the life issues. Three, I had been a real headache to my dad when I was growing up. I knew the kind of headache he had and I did not intend to inherit them. So I told myself, this is a cheap testing kit that is prone to errors. Better check it out with a real specialist.

We are real procastinators. It took us another week to finally meet up with a gynae. We met Dr Lim and told him about our situation. He asked me to lie down on the bed and he started squeezing some cold gel on my tummy. Then he put this cold plastic scanner or something on my tummy and started free-wheeling around my lower abdomen, while his eyes focussing on a black & white tv screen. Then he put his index fingers on the screen and showed us a round object.

"You see this?" he asked. We nodded. "That's your baby there. And this blinking white dot?", we nodded again. "That's your baby's heart beat."

And the waves of shock and numbness begins...